A moment that defines a whole existence...
Oh, I’ve read the crossdressing transition stories, haven’t we all? But I never, not for one second, entirely believed them or thought they might apply to me!
You know the ones, the moment that changed my life – gushy, a little OTT and sickly. Yes, exactly. Miraculous crossdressing transitions? In my dreams, or so I thought.
But, what if it really, really can happen? And what if a wonderful moment of crossdressing transition could happen to me?
Well, don’t be sceptical. I experienced my very own magical crossdressing transition. I shall try not to make this not too OTT, but when you have experienced what you thought was unattainable, it is hard to be silent. You want to sing out to the skies.
But I should supply some background first – context is everything!
I’m Pammie – Pamela Alice Moore to give you my full name! But I haven’t always been Pammie. I’ve always been Pammie in potential but not, until recently, until my time for crossdressing transition, have I genuinely been me.
On June 27th 2016 I found myself – not in some wishy-washy esoteric way of self-discovery – but really, actually!
Something first awoke for me in Thailand – something that had been gnawing at my mind for months and months. Something, or rather somebody was trying to get face time to shout out that there was something major, something exquisitely feminine desperately trying to happen within me. But I was 55, extremely heterosexual male with no room in my busy, crammed life for such thoughts.
These crossdressing transition thoughts never went away, they simply nagged at me. I read hundreds of articles online and believed the thoughts would go away. These thoughts were telling me that women’s clothing and I had a future together. OK, so maybe I have a touch of cross dresser about me suddenly? Not the end of the world, you might think to entertain such ideas of crossdressing transition – except for Paul it was a horrible thought.
Pushing Paul to the back of my mind, and allowing crossdressing transition thoughts to come to the fore, I found a dressing service online and decided this is exactly what I need. The rational male within me said: “If I go and get made up and dressed I will look at myself and think: oh God, Paul in a dress – how stupid does he look?” Don’t we all love to deceive ourselves sometimes?
So, on the basis that I was 80-90% certain I’d feel stupid and never do it again, I made the phone call to book my appointment with JJ – how scary was that!
Then I had a week or so to persuade myself to go through with it. Plenty of time to chicken out but I knew I wouldn’t – I thought that I needed to rid myself of these pervasive crossdressing transition thoughts – once and for all!
So, off I toddled to meet the delightful and amazing JJ in her crossdressing transition apartment. Secret of course, dressed as Paul going to work. I parked and felt very scared but determined. In I walked to be greeted so warmly by the beautiful JJ.
Step 1 – lose the Paul clothing and don for the first part of my crossdressing transition the beautiful lingerie and dressing gown. OK, not feeling too stupid yet. But its early days – ignore that feeling of … mmmmm, this feels so nice! Step 2 – make-up professionally done by JJ – no glances towards crossdressing transition mirrors yet though – JJ wanted to see me the final result, not the steps in-between. It was fun and very relaxing. Step 3 – the dresses, skirts, blouses … ooh, they look nice and feel good on – stop it! Step 4 – the wig, the final piece of the crossdressing transition puzzle and then the shoes – not too high because I have never worn heels before and I’m already 6’ 3”!
OK, this is it then, turn to face the mirror: a crossdressing transition second that lasted an eternity – time froze, I froze, everything stopped – I was totally unaware of my surroundings – just me and a mirror waiting to show me!
Then, there I was, the mirror presenting a person at one and the same time new and not new – it was me! I knew me in that crossdressing transition instant – knew who I was and who I should ALWAYS have been. It wasn’t Paul in a dress it was Pamela that looked back at me – my smile was immediate, my brain chemistry even quicker. In that one, eternal second my world changed. I became Pammie: I always should have been Pammie and I always will be Pammie.
My 80-90% probability bit the dust – not only would I not lose the crossdressing transition thoughts but now these thoughts and the person within me took over completely.
You see, my life was mapped in that one second, the only question left was when not if!
One last question remained – when I had to leave the crossdressing transition sanctuary – the heavenly nirvana that is JJ’s place – would it all disappear and would I just be Paul again?
I took off those lovely clothes slowly and unwillingly, the crossdressing transition lingerie even more so. I removed the make-up last of all and then donned Paul’s clothes and slowly looked back at the mirror. Nope, still Pamela – Paul really is on his way out. I drove home changed forever and making my first steps on the road to happiness!
Almost a whole year on and, from that miraculous moment of crossdressing transition the world has changed so much – how often have I doubted this in that year? Well, never to be honest!
I’m Pammie most of the time now and in the next six weeks I will be Pammie ALL of the time – full time! I have crossdressing transition wardrobes of lovely clothes, I go out often and will work full-time as Pammie soon!
Happy? Yes, I’m happy! And that feels like an understatement.