“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” So said Thich Nhat Hanh. No, I hadn’t heard of this Zen Buddhist monk either; but it’s a saying that I came across when trawling the Internet some time ago and it stuck in my mind! We are all different. Some are outwardly beautiful and perhaps inwardly not so – for the rest of us we can hope that perhaps the opposite is true. So how does this relate to Dress Me Up, this page and my story of transgender transformation? Bear with me as I try to explain.
Each of us has his or her own perception of beauty. The generally portrayed male views are of girls with stunning hourglass figures and perfectly made up faces; for girls it’s perhaps a man with strong masculine bodies with rippling biceps and a six pack. I happily admit that the stereotypical female as above would always turn my head, I am not gay nor do I have any inclination to permanently swap gender, but from an early age I have always also looked at, and thought deeply about, how ladies clothing enhanced their look. And so from my youth I have been drawn towards transgender transformation. Not only was each lady attractive in her body shape and mannerisms, but I also became fascinated by how her clothes accentuated her beauty.
How it appeared that the very act of dressing in such clothes makes the lady feel more attractive, more confident in herself and therefore portray her in a more desirable way. After all this is what the clothing designers have always attempted to achieve, not only are clothes a practical thing but also a decoration, a gift wrapping if you will, to make the wearer feel better about themselves and perhaps on occasion attract much needed praise which we all, as humans, love to receive, whether we admit to it or not! I began to experiment with transgender transformation, as is often the case, to try and see what effect dressing this way would have on me.
The answer was simply that transgender transformation somehow made me feel better, I can’t really describe it any other way, just a ‘feeling within’ that I enjoyed and it seemed to propel me into a more serene transgender transformation state of mind to that in which I lived in ‘reality’. From the moment I awoke to the joy of transgender transformation and I tried my sister’s tights for the very first time the touch of the material on my skin, the softness, the way the tights caressed my legs: it was just different. Like most cross dressers (an assumption I make from reading similar tales online) I was hooked on transgender transformation from the start.
My transgender transformation ‘borrowing’ of clothes became more frequent. I would dress with transgender transformation in mind at every opportunity and did so for some years through my teens, managing to scrape enough from the paper rounds (yes, more than one) to earn an occasional treat – a pair of tights, a short dress and on one occasion a pair of shoes from a second-hand shop – classy they were not; and I eventually found out they didn’t even fit properly. But I saw them through the window and after walking up and down the street probably seven or eight times went in and just picked them up and was so embarrassed.
I don't feel the need to dress all of the time, but usually it just hits me every couple of months, and then I need to get my fix! But it's never been fully satisfactory. I've never been fully dressed and made up. What I really wanted of a dressing service UK was to see myself totally as a woman, just like all those friends of my mother all those years ago Talking of which, I was searching for alternatives to that well-known dressing service UK company, which led me to the Dress Me Up website. JJ’s dressing service UK just came across as so much more interesting and professional than others. I'm not getting any younger and really wanted the dressing service UK experience that so many others seemed to have had there.
But could I pluck up the courage? After an email and a nerve wracking phone call (on my part) I confirmed a dressing service UK appointment. The time went quickly and the night before, I slept fitfully due to nerves. After all I had never shared this secret with anyone. But I needn't have worried, once in the apartment, JJ immediately put me completely at ease, and I soon felt able to chat at length. Then followed a fantastic few hours of pampering and the full use of her dressing service UK. Oh, why did I wait so long?
I just put the money on the counter and almost ran out of there. Sometimes transgender transformation without the proper guidance can be a harrowing experience. There was no Internet, nobody else I could talk to about this and was sure I was the only one who did this. So did my need for transgender transformation mean that I was a freak? But anyway even if I was transgender transformation made me feel so good, so different, so relaxed: so what was the problem? When I left school, and began to work I started to purchase more of my own clothes for transgender transformation and this was helped by the fact that my work took me to all different areas and allowed me to shop whilst ‘nipping out for lunch’ – without the horror of perhaps meeting someone who knew me and the accompanying fear that my secret transgender transformation would be revealed.
I would dress on occasions that I was alone at home but rarely outside the confines of my own bedroom. It didn’t really matter I suppose how I actually looked because nobody ever saw me but with my own inner sense of transgender transformation I knew what felt good and what didn’t. I continued to dress with transgender transformation, always alone and always with some resultant feeling of guilt afterwards. This secretive transgender transformation carried on until I met and eventually married my wife. It didn’t feel right that I should continue this behind her back, and so I ceased to allow myself that pleasure. My small collection of clothing was distributed across various waste bins and I vowed that my transgender transformation adventure had just been a phase and that now I was over it!
But my need for transgender transformation was always there, like the proverbial devil on your shoulder. I would resist and pretend it was no longer something I needed (or I would kid myself that I didn’t want to do it). But I always knew I couldn’t stop forever: transgender transformation was deep within the core of the person I am. Then on a mad impulse one day, I found myself walking past a shop selling wigs – to this day I don’t know why but I just walked in and bought the one that immediately took my eye, I had never worn a wig before and now I owned one! That was it – my secret life was reborn. The grip of transgender transformation was just too strong.
Clothes followed, then make up – lots of disasters with that too – and on one occasion, I summoned the courage and arranged and meticulously planned a trip to a well-known transgender transformation dressing service. Sadly it wasn’t the most enjoyable of experiences and I left somewhat disillusioned and facing the fact that perhaps my transgender transformation secret would always remain just that. Then whilst surfing the web I saw the Dress-Me-Up page. I probably read through it thirty times thinking ‘no it will be just like the other one was: a disappointment’ until some days later unable to resist the pull towards transgender transformation any more. I called the number at the top of the page.
JJ herself answered and I spluttered out that I was interested in making an appointment for transgender transformation and stated the date I had in mind and waited with baited breath. "I’m sorry," said JJ. "I am out of the country then." "Oh," say I, feeling as though my world had crumbled. "I’ll call back another time don’t worry!" I began to believe that fate was against me, one awful experience of transgender transformation and now one that I couldn’t even have! Still I consoled myself, the feelings I get when dressed would still be mine to enjoy, even if transgender transformation were destined to be a solitary experience for me.
Quite literally twenty minutes later my world I am sure, changed. My phone rang and although not recognizing the number I answered. "Hello," a voice said, "its JJ are you able to talk?" It seems the dates had been mixed up and JJ was indeed free on the date I requested after all. So she was calling to ask whether I would still like to have the appointment for transgender transformation. I couldn’t get my debit card out quickly enough in case she changed her mind! And so began the transgender transformation day that will I am sure live with me forever.
Having received a very professional and thorough set of instructions via email I duly made plans to attend my transgender transformation appointment and started to look forward to it. Yes, there were doubts, would I enjoy it? Would it be all that it said on the tin etc.? But I convinced myself that, if this attempt to immerse myself in a transgender transformation didn’t work, I would still be certain that my inner self, my own beauty within, would still remain with me. Finally came my transgender transformation day, I drove to the address and made sure I was in plenty of time – I was in fact twenty minutes early so sat in the car around the corner where the doubts again crept in.
Maybe it wasn’t a good idea, maybe JJ would take one look at me and tell me she wasn’t a miracle worker. Anyway somehow I managed to drive the final few yards, get out of my car without falling over and ring the bell, "Hello," say as I had been instructed. "Push the door," says JJ. I tried but I was trembling so much it would budge, "Push the door," says she again. Still I couldn’t get it to move, "Push again." And finally it opened and I almost fell into the lobby. "Hell," I thought not a good start. I made my way up the stairs to the apartment still half intending to turn round and drive away in a cloud of smoke but then the door opened and so began my truly fantastic afternoon of transgender transformation.
There stood JJ, every bit as beautiful as shown on the web site, and dressed in fabulous clothing (well I would notice that wouldn’t I). We sat and talked, drank coffee and, whilst I still trembled, talked about how I came to be there, and what she would do during my transgender transformation over the next few hours – ‘relax’ she kept saying, ‘you’ll enjoy it’ and she was so right. My nerves began to fade pretty quickly then, JJ is so assuring, so genuinely nice to talk to and so non-judgmental. I was shown to a bathroom where there were stunning transgender transformation underwear ready for me to change into and choice of satin baby doll or dressing gown.
From there JJ showed into another room where she gave me a facial, my first ever and a fantastic experience itself which further relaxed me before she expertly applied my transgender transformation make-up including false lashes and polished nails. Take a look in the mirror said JJ and I was stunned by my transgender transformation. “OK,” she then said. “Now take a seat over by the mirror and close your eyes and we will sort out a wig.” I have only ever had three wigs (the first I have already mentioned and the next two were slightly more considered choices) and they have all been black! So I thought a transgender transformation change would be good but never did I expect what JJ thought to try on me.
The first was blond and although OK wasn’t really me, the second a longer brunette one that I really liked and then the third choice totally stunned me – a platinum one in the exact opposite of the style which I thought I would like and yet it just seemed so right. She really does know what she is doing!
Then JJ fitted me into a gorgeous blouse and a skirt that I never ever imaged I would ever wear and finally a pair of open toe shoes that I just knew I wanted as soon as I saw them. And there I was dressed, fully made up, and best of all speaking about my feelings of transgender transformation to another human being!
JJ took some photographs, after advising me how to pose properly to make the most of them, and before I knew it my 4 hours had elapsed. I couldn’t believe how quickly my afternoon of transgender transformation had gone, a sure sign that I was enjoying it. It was with great sadness that I undressed and removed the fabulous make up and reluctantly refitted my male attire. Time to return to reality but safe in the knowledge that one day I would definitely be back for more joyful transgender transformation with JJ. I left feeling as though I had known her for years!
Sure enough: I couldn’t even resist 24 hours before calling and arranging a further transgender transformation appointment. JJ is just so good at not only making you look good, but also at helping you to release your inner beauty, making you feel as special as you want to and she truly understands and cares about how you feel. Thank you JJ for letting me be myself and helping me through your very special transgender transformation to accept that this is what I am. Leanne XX